After much debate and frustration, Britt and I did what we thought was “manning up” and made a tough decision. Delilah had to go. We have two healthy chickens and one sick chicken. Why would we get rid of a healthy chicken to keep a sick one? In other words, this meant we would need to end the short life of little Delilah. This is not what pet owners do, it’s what urban farmers do, which is what we are actually trying to be. The three of them could not get along, and a quick, humane death for Delilah would be better than keeping her in the basement or letting her get pecked to death by Athena and Manola. Delilah would have the same results in almost any group of hens, so this really seemed like the right thing to do.
So the next step was to figure out a way to kill Delilah. Google was helpful, as usual, but we still felt that since we don’t really know what how to kill a chicken, we could cause Delilah a lot of suffering. There would also be a lot of blood and flapping… yuck. My next thought was getting a vet to do it for like $20.00 or something. Britt and I both agreed that it would be twenty dollars well spent. To my surprise I found an Exotic Animal and Bird Clinic in Seattle. I made a call, and this is how that conversation went.
“Exotic Animal and Bird Clinic, how can I help you?”
“Hi. So I have a sick chicken. She can’t be in our flock anymore, and we really just need to euthanize her. Do you do this for chickens?”
“Yes we do.”
“How much is it?”
“Forty-six dollars for the examination and fifty dollars for the euthanasia.”
“It costs that much? What if I know I want to euthanize her and I don’t need an examination? I can’t spend one hundred dollars to kill a chicken.” (You can imagine my shock. It would cost five times as much to kill Delilah as it did to buy her).
“Can I put you on hold for a minute?”
“Sure.”
One minute goes by.
“OK, so no, we cannot euthanize the chicken without the examination because it would be unethical to euthanize a chicken if there was any way to keep it alive.”
“OK. Well thank you.” (At this point I am slightly annoyed, and clearly I have made a mistake calling this number).
“Can I put you on hold one more minute?”
“Yeah.”
One minute goes by.
“So I just want you to know that there is no humane way to kill a chicken at home. The euthanasia is the only way without causing extreme suffering.”
“OK. Thank you very much. Bye.”
Thanks for that salt in the wound Exotic Animal and Bird Clinic. Next I made a few phone calls to family and friends who are 1) not crazy, 2) understand the economics of chickens, and 3) could help us do the job at home. I found a few people who were willing to help, and we were on the road to having a flock of two. This is when another obsessed animal person decided to have an intervention with me. Do you know who that person was? My dad, Chicken Coop Man. This is how the conversation went.
“Hey Dad. So we’re going to kill Delilah. This whole thing isn’t working at all.”
“What are you going to do?”
“Kill Delilah.”
“NO! No no no no. Do not kill your chicken.”
“Dad this is ridiculous, it’s the right thing to do. I don’t think we have another choice at this point.”
“DO NOT KILL YOUR CHICKEN! I can’t talk, I have a plan though. DO NOT KILL DELILAH!”
“Bye Dad.”
So what happened with Delilah? Delilah is out in the hen house, separated from the others in the coop behind a wire screen. She lives on. She will live there until she looks like a normal chicken again. Hopefully the other ladies will be used to seeing her all the time, and they won’ t try and eat her again in about five weeks when she is reintroduced… again. If it doesn’t work, the animal obsessed people won’t have a say. We will kill Delilah.
I have one more thought to add. This whole chicken mess that we got ourselves into is not fun. We aren’t thinking about omlettes and fresh eggs. We’re thinking about wounds and cutting off chicken heads. So you take the good with the bad, and that’s that. But, we’d like to make an announcement. We’re coming back to the good… in a big way. We began this venture to get closer to the food we eat. To learn about farming, food, and to explore how far our tiny little budgets can take us into the world of urban farming and good eating. We have a plan. I hope you’re ready, because we definitely are.

A sleepy and purple Delilah showcasing her new temporary digs.